Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
