i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
