never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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