his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
