and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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