I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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