My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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