dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
