I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
