You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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