Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
