We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
