i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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