Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I need moral support for this bender
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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