Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
