We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
