I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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