He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
