@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
