the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
