I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
