Your face is a jimmy john
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
