Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
