Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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