I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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