mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
