last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
