Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
