I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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