Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
