i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
