Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You were trust falling into bushes
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