best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
