He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
