I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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