hell yes lets make some ravioli
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
