Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
