sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
