My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
