were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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