My liver just broke up with me...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
