They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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