in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
