yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
