i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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