we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
