I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
