Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
