dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
