You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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