Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
