he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
