I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
